#11: Motivated by Rewards

Sleep on your bed - 1 star
Finish your food on your own; in one go - 1 star
- Every 10 stars earn you 1 Starbucks drink.

Both of them have different tasks to accomplish...

It worked until last night; Debbie insisted on sleeping with us. She complained, "I don't want any more stars..."

"You do not want Starbucks?" "Noooooo....."

The next morning she earned another star for sleeping on her bed :) Yeah!

Smart as she is, Debbie told Denise, "We can add our stars and share our Starbucks."

Wow! She is only turning 5 this July.....

Lesson #10: My Little Helper

Debbie: Mummy, can you help me take the book from the shelf?

Mummy: Can you take it yourself? The shelf is just over there.

5 minutes later....

Mummy: Denise, can you help me take the torchlight from the living room?

Denise: Eh....

Debbie: (without hesitation) I take for you!

And she ran off happily, even though I did not help her 5 minutes earlier... Suddenly I felt so guilty...

The younger they are, the more eager they are to help and assume responsibilities, or only my kids?!? :p

Lesson #9: Motivation and Rewards

Exams started this week and Denise came home with a lot of homework for the weekend. She had to complete all of them before I would allow her to attend a friend's birthday celebration on Sunday. We had CG on Friday; came back late. She had lessons on Saturday and after which, we went for service. By the time we came home after dinner....cum supper...., it was already 12mn! She stayed up till 1.30am to complete ALL her homework...

On another occasion, Denise and Debbie were arguing and whining on our way home. JX told them that he had a goodie bag and he would only give to the one that kept quiet :) Immediately they stopped and started whispering to one another :p

Kids are motivated by rewards :)

Lesson #8: I'm 5; I Learnt To Share

Debbie: May I borrow the iPad please?

Denise: No......

Debbie: Pleeeeaassseeeeeee......

Denise: No......

Mum: Deb, should mummy buy the new iPad?

Debbie: Ok.... Then I can share with jie-jie...

Lesson #7: Every Child Is Unique

In our household, we buy the same things and food for the children. But we realised that over time, the 2 gals developed their own taste and liking for things.

Denise does not take spicy food. Debbie likes pepper and eats her roti-prata with curry.

Denise loves to read. Debbie loves to draw.

Denise loves anything pink. Debbie is more adventurous with colours.

Denise likes vanilla ice-cream. Debbie likes chocolate/strawberry ice-cream.

Denise does not like carbonated drink. Debbie likes Coke.

Denise like fishball noodle and "loh mee". Debbie can eat wanton noodle for every meal.

Denise likes plain McChicken. Debbie likes nuggets.

Denise does not like animals. Debbie loves them.

Lesson #6: Be Consistent

Debbie threw a huge tantrum because Daddy refused to let her use the iPad during meal times. Being the tough nut that she is, she whined and cried for a looooooonnng time. We repeatedly told her not to waste her tears and time because we were not going to give in... Finally, after 20-30mins, she stopped... Sobbing, she decided to join us for dinner instead.

A few days later, Debbie finished her dinner before us and she was playing with the iPad at the living area. She wanted Daddy to help her with something....

Deb: "Daddy, can you help me with the iPad?"

Dad: "Ok, can you bring it to me?"

Deb: "But I thought you said "no iPad at the dining table"...." >.<

How many times, as parents, we bend the rules at our convenience? Most of the time, unknowingly...;p Someone once told me, the key to successful parenting is consistency.

And to end the story above, Daddy walked over to the living area and helped Deb. :)

We had no problem with not having iPad during meal times, since...

Lesson #5: My Kids Want Me

I do not know if the other mummies have the same experiences as me...

Whenever the daddy discipline or scold the children, they would cry for me.

However, when I discipline or scold them, the children would still want...... ME! :)

To me, this must be the best thing about being a mother! Somehow my children would still come to me for comfort and seek acceptance from me first.

Maybe it's a mother and daughter thing :)

The other night, I was so mad with Denise over her homework... (I forgot my Lesson #2) I scolded her rather badly. As I was not so hungry and wanted to have my dinner at a later time, she came to me and told me that she would wait to have dinner with me.

It was amazing that after a scolding from me, there was no anger or bitterness. But she still wanted to spend time having dinner with me.

Do I regret having children? NEVER!

Lesson #4: Never Too Young

Denise had to choose a co-curricular activity (CCA) this year and she decided to join Christian Fellowship (CF) and Scrapbooking. CF meets every Wednesday and she would come home sharing what they did with me. Prayer meeting, collect prayer requests and eat (real fellowship) :)

Whenever there was a skit in the main service, Denise would request to sit-in with her little friends. However this weekend, she chose to sit beside me. Things I noticed...

1) She requested to sit along the aisle (like most adults who prefer that first seat for better view and bigger leg space)

2) She sang very loudly during Praise and Worship (I could hear her)

3) She lifted her hands

4) She joined hands with us and repeated the corporate prayer loudly

5) And I thought I saw her praying in tongues when Pastor asked us to pray for our neighbours... (I have not had a chance to ask her yet)

Kids are never too young to learn and understand spiritual matters. I think the key is exposure. I thank God that my kids are growing up in a great church with an excellent children's church. Going to church, attending cellgroup meetings and the spiritual realm are normal "things" to them.

This past week, Denise commented that it was tiring to stay back for extra activities after school. I casually responded, "Then don't stay back for Christian Fellowship". She was quick to reply, "No, cannoooooooot." :)

Lesson #3: Love Language - Quality Time

When Denise first started P1, she would call me EVERYDAY during recess-time. I guess it was the excitement of sharing her day with me and at the same time the sense of independence that excites her. Initially, being cost-conscious, I would asked her not to "waste" money to call me. But one day, I realised that my girl would one day grow up and perhaps the first person she calls would be her bf or bff....:p

Now, I would sound very enthusiastic whenever she calls and spend time chatting with her :) To date, she would still call me, either during recess time when she needs something or after school when reaches home!

According to Dr Gary Chapman, the 5 basic Love Languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gift-giving and Physical Touch.

My kids only know QUALITY TIME.

We can walk the malls, Toy R Us included, without having to buy any toys for them. The kids just enjoy spending time with the family. Often we are guilty of leaving them to watch their TV programs or play the "i"machines on their own. I started doing simple handicrafts with them or watch them do their favourite activities like paintings :)

I realised that the kids are just contented that we are involved.

Last weekend, Debbie was sick. I stayed home to look after her while JX brought Denise to church. After service, Denise called and excitedly told me that they went to Starbucks and Carrefour for some "Father and Daughter Time" :)

I do not want to complain and regret later why are they not close to me. Building relationship takes TIME and I want to build a strong relationship with my children while they are yet young. And while I am typing this, Deb is "pestering" me to play Wii with her. I got to go.... :)

Feel free to comment and share what are some of your favourite activites with your children!

Lesson #2: Keep Your Cool

School reopens and homework started to come in. Denise  always take the initiative to complete her homework for the day before I pick her from MIL's place. All I need to do is to check through them and do some corrections if there's any error.

It was my mistake to check through her homework on a Friday night at 10pm....when she was already sleepy. Found a few mistakes. Tried to explain to her but lost my cool when she couldn't answer a few simple questions...

Mistake #1: Don't do revision or homework when your child is tired and sleepy... (especially for my case)

Mistake #2: Don't be a gan-cheong spider, like me... (you have the weekend to go through the homework)

Mistake #3: Don't lose your cool!

I got upset and started to lecture her! C'mon! It's only the first week... Give her a break!

Finally, she completed her corrections and went to bed....

She said, "Mummy, when you scold me, you make me feel that I am not good enough." :(

I felt very bad and quickly repented (in my heart). I apologized for losing my cool; I knew I overdid it. Like what my Pastor taught me "Tact and tone go together" and "Right + Rude = Wrong".

I consoled myself that it's only the first week... I have another 51 weeks to do better :)

Lesson #1: Listen To Your Children

The best thing about having children is that instead of teaching them; you learnt new things from them all the time!

I decided to start a blog on "Lessons I Learnt From My Kids" and will *try* to post something every week :) So for Week 1, I learnt "Listen To Your Children".

Denise wanted to pack her winter jacket for our Taiwan trip last December. We wanted to save luggage space and managed to convince her that it was not necessary. A simple sweater like the one above would be sufficient.

It turned out that winter came earlier than expected. Taipei was experiencing 14-16 degree in the day and on certain nights 11 degree! We regretted not packing the girls' winter jackets... And Denise kept telling us "You should have listened to me" :)

Denise needed to bring a book to school for her journal-writing. I suggested using an exercise book and wrapped it with some nice wrapping paper... Just when I was about to get an exercise book for her, she suddenly turned to me and said "Why don't you listen to me" :) I remembered the previous incident and asked her what did she want to tell me.

She wanted to use her nice notebook as a journal instead :)

I was quick to learn my lesson. I told her ok and she gladly went to find her own notebook!

Lesson #1: LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN! :)